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Thursday, February 24, 2011

别老拿剩女说事儿

不记得是从什么时候开始流行的,反正“剩”的浪潮一浪高过一浪,大有一发而不可收拾之势。“剩女”作为一个网络名词,时代名词,创造了一个词汇的传播神话。网上电视上无数人拿剩女说事儿,不少人更是带着嘲弄的意味对其进行攻击。然后他们似乎不曾想过,那是别人的人生,只要她们过的快乐,活的潇洒,碍得到谁事儿呢?又何须你指指点点?

“剩”这个词本身就有贬义,是一个被动词,意思是这些女人是“被剩下的”,言外之意是别人不要的,挑剩下的。其实大多数剩女是条件很好的,她们在一个很好的家庭中成长,完全独立自主的女人,学历高,素质也好。走出大学,走向社会已经有二十三四了。由于工作和性格的原因,生活圈子开始变得狭小,有的读了研究生甚至出国深造,结实同龄异性的机会更少了,渐渐的,自由恋爱的环境消失了,一晃两三年过去了,她们就变成了别人眼中的剩女了。

其实她们不靠男人独自奋斗到今天,三十多岁了却仍然是单身,只不过不想屈就乱谈恋爱。如果因此就把她们定义为失败,那么请问成功的定义是什么?难道有男人就是成功?如果结婚被认为是女人成功的标准,那么我看大家也不用找什么工作,实现什么抱负了,只需直接去婚介所代价而估, 一旦成功出售,就挂上一块金牌宣告成功。

的确,如今男女平等,女人也经历寒窗苦读,好不容易大学毕业了,她们靠自己的努力谋到了个不错的职业,努力挣钱,认真生活,一不啃老,二不傍款,少说也是个自强不息的模范,却因为还没有结婚而被称为“剩女”,如何不让人生气。

人人都想找个跟自己条件相当的,作为女人,自然也是如此。属于她们的缘分还没有到来,难道就一定要找个可能不适合自己的人随随便便把自己给嫁了?女人结婚是关乎一辈子幸福的事情,势必是要慎之又慎。那些所谓的“剩女”,挑剔一些又有什么不对呢?只要她们挑剔的理由是实实在在存在的,那就有理由持续下去。绝不该用网络舆论的压力,让她们对是自己的人生观和价值观作出否定和质疑。

我们不妨看看那些听从周围人的劝告,早早结婚的女人,她们又有几个真的得到了幸福?看看现在居高不下的离婚率就知道了,更不用说一些名存实亡的婚姻中为了顾及孩子,安慰父母,避免被人议论,委曲求全的可悲女人了。如此比较,试问,哪种女人才是真正的不幸呢?

其实,我们这个社会更需要的是宽容,怀着什么样的婚恋观生活,这只是每个人的基本权利。我们要做的是把权利充分留给应该掌握它们的人,她们选择几时结婚,和谁结婚是她们自己的事情,任何人都没有办法为她们的人生负责。所以,别老拿剩女说事儿了!

Monday, February 21, 2011

女生敢爱就要敢主动出击,不过要有底线

女人的追求其实只是用行动告诉这个男人,请你追求我!意思是拉开架势,垂下鱼线,愿者上钩而已。就拿我们的父母一代来说,只为了一句爱你在心口难开,有多少人曾错失了那一段段的美好姻缘?当下,作为新时代的女性,还要去重复上一代的爱情悲剧么?爱情来了,该出手时就出手。

如果一味等男人追求,就是等于把自己完全放在了一个被动的地位,看起来挺有面子的,但实际上局限了你挑选的范围,倒头来未必适合自己。而自己若要勇敢一些,主动出击,甚至会多一些更好的选择机会,兴许会找到自己的真爱。

但要记住一点,女追男要掌握火候,太过主动的话,怕会把帅哥吓跑的。即使你要钓的那条鱼是龙王三太子,一定也要保持钓鱼者的矜持和高贵。

一般来说敢于主动向男生表白的女生,多多少少有这么一个准备:那就是愿者服输。当她说出这句话的时候,就已经在赌两个答案:一个是“是”,一个是“否”。一旦被拒绝了,该如何去消化自己内心的不安和尴尬呢?在选择爱情方面,可能大多数人都认为,在追求和被追求的人之间,好像追求的人呢位置通常会被看的低一点。其实从爱情的价值上来说,爱情地位比较高的绝对是主动追求的那个人,因为他内心充满一中美好的情感,并且会从主动追求这个过程中得到享受。聪明的女生在主动追求时应该给自己设立一个底线,如果不幸失败了,至少还可以做个朋友,避免尴尬。

前不久,张楠甩掉她的第二任男友,开始厌倦了恋爱中的这种不确定感,突然有了想结婚的念头。这时27岁的摄影师开始进入了她的视线,于是张楠决定勇敢的去追。她一开始先从短信入手,等到发展到成为无话不谈的好朋友时,张楠开始适可而止了。 她认为,一方面她对这个男人有了进一步的了解,另一方面,她也不希望给对方造成太轻易得手的感觉。因为她很清楚,男人对太容易得到手的东西一般不会太珍惜。于是她果断地试图和他保持了距离,和其他朋友相约去外底旅游。一个月之后,张楠把手机打开,发现手机里几乎全部都是那个男人的短信,讲述在她离开的这个月里,他是如何在思念的煎熬中度过的心路历程。最后一条是:“当你回来的那一刻,我希望自己有幸能成为你见到的第一个人。”这时,张楠知道了幸福就在门外。

爱情是甜蜜的,女人同样有追求幸福的权利,碰到合适的机会时,不妨尝试下主动出击的感觉,只是要保持一定的底线就好。

Thursday, February 17, 2011

2RedBeans (两颗红豆)Reported by 世界日报


We are thrilled to have a full length report of 2RedBeans by world journal,  2 days before Valentine's day!   Lots and lots more Chinese girls and Chinese guys have joined us on Valentine's day.  And it is going strong.  :)

World journal online version report is here.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Heat Map for Singles -- New York & SF.

Where to find people of the opposite gender.  Now, here is a map for you.  (Only available for New York and SF right now.)

You can find coffee shops, grocery stores, etc, where there are more gals than guys.  Or vice versa.  The bigger the circle, the bigger the data set.  Hover to see the striking ratio.

Check it out: http://www.weeplaces.com/ratiofinder/

Friday, February 4, 2011

Top 10 Dating Myths

I found this article awhile back and thought it was pretty interesting. Not sure how many of these you will agree with, but still an interesting read:

Top Ten Dating Myths

By Eric J. Leech

Dating and the human brain offer such a complex array of idiosyncrasies that it’s sometimes difficult to distinguish truth from myth. Thankfully, we always have research to turn to when trying to solve the complex puzzle of the human brain. Let’s look at the top ten dating myths that have been (at least somewhat) debunked by science.

Myth 1: Bedroom Talk

There’s a lot of talk about lying in relationships, and many relationship experts claim that one of the best places to quietly discuss matters with a new lover is in the privacy of one’s bedroom. What research has found, however, is that the bedroom is actually where the greatest number of lies are told. If you want to find out what somebody is really thinking, studies show that talking around the breakfast table is the closest you’ll ever come to a truth serum.

Myth 2: Girls Are Crazy About Sensitive Men

There is a movement suggesting that what really drives women crazy is sensitive men. While women may believe that sensitive men are great, studies show that what initially catches their eye is rugged, masculine looks (square jaw, large nose, etc.) and a carefree attitude. The only time a sensitive guy (small chin, raised eyebrows, caring) might have the upper hand is when a woman is looking for a marriage partner – but too much sensitivity (being a pushover, indecisiveness) can count against him.

Myth 3: No Such Thing as Being Too Picky

If you don’t mind the possibility of keeping your own company for the duration of your life, then this may indeed be true. Otherwise, you are living in the popular myth that there is a perfect person out there for each of us. There is a very fine line between being picky and compromising the reality of your relationships. Popular research suggests that we can be perfectly happy with only 80 percent of our needs met.

Myth 4: Doesn’t Matter What They Say, I’m the Only One Who Knows

When we are newly in love or infatuation, our brains are usually so clouded with morphine-like chemicals that it’s hard to see any bad in the world, much less the bad in our new love. Usually, the people who can see the situation clearly are our friends and family, so while you may think you know better than they do, it is certainly at least worth listening to their concerns.

Myth 5: Living Together Irons Out the Wrinkles

It’s common belief that living together prior to marriage helps couples iron out the small wrinkles of joint living, but what research has found is that it actually increases your chances of divorce. Couples who choose to live together are, one, slightly hesitant about the union, and two, comfortable in the fact that if it doesn’t work out they can move on. This is the wrong mindset for a long and happy marriage.

Myth 6: Third Time’s the Charm

A lot of multiple-divorce couples like to chant “Third time’s the charm” when getting married for their third, and hopefully last, time. They feel comforted by this phrase, as does their partner in cahoots. The truth of the matter is, however, that a second marriage has a 60 to 67 percent chance of failure, while a third marriage has a dismal 73 to 75 percent chance. Don’t kid yourself.

Myth 7: Pickup Lines Never Work

Research shows that humorous and complimentary pickup lines work on some men and women if delivered with honesty, creativity and sincerity.

Myth 8: Impossible to Love Two People At Once

If an individual falls for two people who possess two very opposing, yet complimentary personalities, together they may add up to the ultimate partner. This is why it’s easier than some people think to fall in love with two people.

Myth 9: All Men are Cheaters

There is research out there stating that men are the bigger cheaters, and that it is also easy to find research pointing to men and women as cheating fairly equally, as well as evidence concluding that women are the bigger cheaters. If there is anything we can conclude from this, it’s that it is the person who cheats, and not the gender, so we should look at the individual and the signs they give (male or female) in order to decipher their potential as a mate.

Myth 10: Cold Shower

Some people believe that after a particularly heated date that ends without a bang, it’s a good idea to relieve any pent up, lingering sexual energy by taking a cold shower. What research has found, however, is cold showers actually stimulate the production of hormones and sexual desire, thereby producing the opposite effect of what one would hope.

What do you think the top dating myths that need debunking are?